I love how this photograph makes me feel and what it makes me think of. When I went out to Big Table Farm over Mother’s Day weekend, Clare and Brian had a kitchen full of glass cabinets and behind the glass were stacks and stacks of mismatched dishes. So many colors. Perhaps that represents the diversity of people that might gather around a table and sit in harmony with one another. This photo is one from Outstanding in the Field. They ask that each guest bring their own plate. And even though some of the patterns may clash, they all work together as a whole bundle. 
Again, I am enraptured by a blog I came across this afternoon. She is an old friend, one who I have taken many lakeside walks with and talked deeply with. One who I haven’t spoken to in years but I admire the woman she has become and is becoming. And her blog is captivating:
Some highlights:
Every arrow in the bow of desire
has rushed out in hope
of nearing
Him.
Thomas Aquinas
He has an especial tenderness of love toward thee for that thou art in the dark and hast no light, and His heart is glad when thou doest arise and say, “I will go to my Father.” . . . Fold the arms of thy faith, and wait in the quietness until light goes up in thy darkness. -George MacDonald
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. -from Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton
And a couple images:
A dog on a bed in a bright bedroom. I wouldn't mind being here.
The little village Steven lives in in Germany is much like the village this movie takes place in.
To piggy-back off my last post, here’s a visual ode to who I am…
Having dinner in a beautiful natural setting with some of the best food, best wine, and best people sounds like Heaven on Earth to me. These photos give me goosebumps, bring tears in my eyes, and create a serious longing…
I wish I was one of the gals in the cowboy hats in the photo above!
Crimson Clover field near Big Table Farm.
The photo above looks exactly like where I grew up.
After many years of insecurity and feeling like I never quite fit in with certain Portland crowds, something crossed my mind on Saturday night that conquered those uncomfortable years and brought me some liberty in that area.
I’ve been up to Last Thursday on Alberta Street a dozen times or so and always have a good time but for some reason, I always walk around feeling like I’m not wearing skinny enough jeans, or cool enough shoes, or high-waisted enough skirts. (For those non-Portlanders who are reading, Last Thursday is a combo of neighborhood street fair and gallery hop where the galleries are local artists that line the street. It’s a VERY crowded and VERY eclectic scene but really fun too.) I never really felt like I fit in at First Thursday either. (Same idea as Last Thursday but in a different neighborhood and a little more dressy/urban.) There are actually many neighborhoods and scenes in Portland that leave me feeling like I need to change my appearance and ensemble. I’ve tried to wear clothes and do my makeup fit the mold, but the truth is, that just made me feel even less like myself.
There are places, however, that make me feel right at home, super comfortable and in my element. Any guesses? Yep, you got it: wine country. I spent all day Saturday up in Ridgefield, WA (just 30 minutes or less north of Portland) wine tasting with my friend Stephanie. Beautiful rolling hills, farm land, vineyards, and even some cute ponds. I didn’t have any insecure feelings all day long. When we got back to Steph’s house, her husband said that he was heading down to Portland to meet Steph’s brother and sister-in-law at a bar on N. Mississippi Ave. We decided to meet them down there too so Steph and I hopped in my car and headed south, back into the city.
Now Mississippi Street is a slightly toned down version of Alberta and on this particular Saturday, Mississippi was having a Last Thursday of its own called the “Mississippi Street Fair”. It happens once a year and we just happened to stumble across it on the very day it was taking place. The entire street was blocked off and for 5 blocks there were local artisans, food carts, social rights organizations, and musicians up and down the entire street. It drew much of the same crowd as Last Thursday would, and my eyes definitely wandered off into the fashion of the crowd: high waisted skirts and cute boots. Sunglasses and tattoos. Gaged ears and screen printed tees. I was wearing a simple corduroy skirt that I’ve had for years and a floral tank from the Gap. Nothing too trendy or hipster, but oddly enough, I felt super comfortable and okay. It was a different feeling than the one I usually have at those types of events.
It was when I got back in my car to go home that I had that aforementioned liberating thought: I don’t have to fit in with the Mississippi crowd because I’m not Mississippi. And I don’t really want to be. I’m a Dundee/Carlton/Dayton girl. I’m a country girl. Willamette Valley girl. Vineyard and winery life girl. Rolling hills of Ridgefield girl. And boy does that feel good to proclaim and recognize. It feels awesome to get to the point in my life where I know who I am, who I’m not, who I’m becoming, and being okay and secure in that.
I guess this is all part of the maturing process. And as life goes on and I get older and closer to God, it’s easier to see who He is making me. And that’s the most secure place anyone can be.
