Something lifted off my shoulders this past week.  There is still some weight there, but my load seems to be much light.  My excitement about going to Europe is growing, I’m running again and eating less (feels SO good),  I’m not looking at my body as judgingly and harshly as I normally do.  I’m just feeling better.  Maybe it’s because the sun has come out a little bit.  Maybe it’s because the Lord is bringing some reprieve and changing my perspective, maybe it’s a combination of both and many other things.  But I sure hope a new season is pushing through.

I deactivated my Facebook account last week (don’t worry, it’s temporary.  I’ll be back one of these days).  I did it for many reasons: I wanted to unplug, to be anonymous, to not be consumed with what everyone else is doing and feel like I have to keep my status updated.  I’ve received some seriously bad news on Facebook lately so maybe that has something to do with it.   But all that extra time in my day has freed me up to do other things that I love more than Facebook.  Last week sometime, after I unplugged from FB, I was up in my room reading through some Psalms and came across so many where the author cries out for God of save him, rescue him, give him victory, strengthen him.  It seems like David is always asking God how long he will forget him and how long he will wrestle with his thoughts and have sorrow in his heart (Ps. 13).  And of course I have resonated and prayed along with these Psalms for months now.  But the other night, it dawned on me that maybe I’m finally seeing the Lord answer some of these prayers.  I’m feeling some reprieve, some light relief from the heaviness I’ve been carrying.

My friend Debbie came over for dinner last night.  She was in Portland for a couple days one last time before she moves to Liberia in August.  There was a song that she has been listening to during her trip out here and she really wanted me to hear it.  It was a beautiful song but there was one line that really got me thinking.  The artist said something about how we sometimes have to go through the fire to know Him more.  I am certainly going through the fire but hearing that made me realize that I want to come out of this season knowing Him more.  I want to fight the good fight and not grow tired and weary and give up.  I want to look back on this season and know that I wasn’t defeated by the grief and darkness.

I sure do hope this dark season is coming to an end, but if not, maybe this light reprieve will give me enough strength and faith to make it through the last leg of the race.